It’s week two and I am so far from motivated its unbelievable. Coffee consumption is at an all time high. I have found grey hairs. The budget is irreversibly broken. So here is a list of some signs that you have given up on everything, uni in particular. Some of these are applicable to me others not so much, (I swear I don’t have a beard).
1. You have stopped putting an effort into your appearance.
You wake up. Take a look at your disheveled reflection. Decide that there is not enough concealer in the whole world to cover those bags (it’s okay girl, work them, they’re designer) or enough time to shave off that shadow of a beard (you get kinda attached to it). Don’t even think about actual clothes, sweatpants are the new business causal right? God knows you are making the effort just to make it to your 9am lecture and that’s all that matters.
2. “What do you mean there were readings?!”
It’s week two. Honestly. You think that the determination to do well would have gotten you at least to week five. Nope. Your study buddy/ that cool dude from the elevator who gave you tomato sauce that one time because you couldn’t find any and were about to have a breakdown, informs you that there were 3 chapters added to the mandatory readings at some point the night before your lecture. Cue 9 new grey hairs…
3. Your eating habits are disgusting.
Rice bubbles. Mie Goreng instant noodles. Those $0.57 wafers from Woolworths. Pasta and cheese. Enough alcohol to make Gatsby wince. You have had more juice in the past week than your primary school heart could ever dream of. The meal plans you and your mum so tediously planned have been abandoned. There’s no room in the budget for healthy eating, please send money if you want me to eat a vegetable. So much sodium, sugar and carbs. The freshman 5 is coming for us all. Embrace it. Winter is also coming (and so are the baggy jumpers to hide all of this).
4. “Hey, do you think 4 minutes is enough time to get ready for uni? I am trying to figure out when to set my alarm.”
Your alarm changes from being set 2 hours before your lecture to being 2 minutes before you’re about to become 10 minutes late. I mean, you gotta get your 7-9 hours sleep. So if you go to bed late it’s totally okay because you just get to set your alarm later. Campus living am I right?
5. Someone asks you if you are an extra from the new season of the Walking Dead.
Shuffling to your tutorial. Clothes that are so last apocalypse. Moaning (you just got your third assessment piece). A craving for meat, (steak is so, so expensive). Greyish looking skin (You have got some kind of flu). You have no heartbeat, (the high amount of V you are consuming has almost stopped your heart…). It’s offical, you are a first year zombie now.
6. Coffee, Tea and other caffeinated beverage consumption has gone through the roof.
It’s safe to say that the reason why your carefully constructed budget is in shambles is due to all the barista made coffees you have consumed. Caramel lattes are not a cheap drink to begin with and then you go to a hipster place and BOOM, you have spent $16.75 this week just on coffee. But with all the not sleeping (due to study, GOSH) caffeine is your only salvation. Shout out to British exchange students and their superiority complex with tea, because now you are drinking even more of that divine stuff than your grandmother. Caffeine is caffeine am I right?
So here I am. An assessment piece due tonight (3 hours from when I post this), a new box of caramel latte sachets in front of me and the temptation of a newly purchased second-hand book beside me. About to become extremely caffeinated, and somewhat motivated.